Do you remember a comment someone made about your body when you were younger? Even in the moment, it can be hard to pass it off and move on, not to mention how these comments can stick with us and subconsciously impact how we view our bodies, regardless of whether they were well-intentioned or critical.
We live in an age where society is so used to commenting on other people’s bodies, without considering how the person on the receiving end might feel. Especially when commenting on weight loss, it reinforces the idea that someone’s worth is tied to their appearance.
In addition to our social media feeds pumping out beauty standards that may feel unreachable, it can be a lot of pressure, especially if you are feeling insecure about your own body. In this article, we dive into what really happens on an individual level when processing societal beauty standards, how body shaming can affect self-talk, and how you can work to cultivate a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Negative Self-Talk
Body negativity and shaming can be related to underlying unprocessed feelings that often materialize through self-talk, an automatic dialogue with yourself used for processes like emotional regulation. When we feel like we do not have control over our thoughts, that is our inner self-talk, also referred to as internal monologue, being triggered and responding to the information it is presented with.
Naturally, this allows for overthinking and unwanted thoughts, especially when faced with never-ending media promoting thinness and weight loss. Negative self-talk and body views are very correlated, and this is something we have been trained to do as a result of being exposed to what “perfect body standards” should look like.
Engaging in negative self-talk can open the path for body shaming due to pent-up feelings relating to inadequacy, and identifying these thoughts is not always easy due to how automatically they occur.
Because these automatic thoughts are so deeply ingrained, changing them requires an intentional shift to positive self-talk and practicing self-love. But how can we work to reverse thoughts that include years of hearing about what a “perfect body” is supposed to look like?
Self-Love: Engaging in Positive Self-Talk
While the outside media cannot be controlled, let’s focus on what you can change to help yourself on a personal level. Replacing negative self-talk with positive self-love and affirmations can help make you feel better about yourself.
The first thing to do is notice when we engage in negative self-talk, the most noticeable being any physical sensations you may experience in a more anxious state. Consider engaging in a quick grounding or relaxation exercise to clear your head, and once reaching a calmer state, it is easier to identify the exact thoughts running through your head.
Related read: If you want to better understand how automatic thoughts work and how grounding techniques can help, you may also like our article, How To Overcome Anxiety By Understanding Its Basic Principles.
Write down the criticisms you may be experiencing on your phone or in a notebook, and consider asking yourself the purpose of these thoughts. After identifying the “why” behind them, we can come up with ways to counter those thoughts.
“Body image is mental and emotional: it’s both the mental picture that you have of your body and the way you feel about your body when you look in a mirror.” – Canadian Mental Health Association, BC Division
We spend all day on our phones looking at TikToks and Reels of others, so we rarely take a moment to look at ourselves as we are, and not for the sake of tailoring an Instagram feed. Taking a moment away to focus on yourself is key to practicing self-love. For example, note the things you like about yourself, not just related to your body. Make a list of these positive things and look for them when facing a mirror. This is one of the first steps to take to accept your body.
This process can take time; it is not something that happens overnight. Repetition is key when teaching your mind to love your body, so continuing to correct your self-talk and practice unconditional self-love can really help in the long run.
Curated Feeds: Making Comparisons
Unavoidable as they may be, it is important not to compare yourself to what you encounter online. In a world where skinniness is encouraged and shopping for yourself may feel impossible, the best way to work toward self-love is to focus solely on yourself and tune out any thought of what others are doing.
Protecting your peace is an important part of this process. When you are online, manage your time on social media and feel free to mute or unfollow anything that may make you feel insecure. Everyone’s personal journey is unique, and there is no such thing as one “perfectly healthy” body type. As long as you meet your needs where you are and continue to accept your body’s needs, that is what matters most.
Take-Home Message
As mentioned earlier, this process can take time to heal and cope with how you feel about your body. It can sometimes feel impossible to shift our mindsets, but as I also stated, everyone has a different journey. No matter how long it may take you, stay committed to focusing on yourself, no matter how you feel on any given day. If you find it hard to love yourself one day, write that down too. All your thoughts and feelings are valid, and you owe it to yourself to be honest.
What is most important is knowing where you are at and not forcing the process. Continue to practice self-love and listen to your body’s needs, and if comfortable, reach out to those you trust regarding your feelings. If you ever need more help or advice, do not hesitate to meet with a licensed mental health professional so you can learn to reverse the effects of body shaming.
