I still remember the first time I made a New Year’s wish! I was in high school, at an age when we often imitate adults without really wanting to live their lives. Everyone in class was talking about New Year’s resolutions: a pause to reflect, choose a target, and redirect daily energy. The promise was simple and seductive, that this ritual could bridge the gap between aspiration and reality. A pause to reflect, find a target and direct your daily energy. The promise was that this popular technique will bridge the gap between your aspiration and reality. And every January, millions of people repeat the same ritual.
Some choose weight and health: This is the year I finally take care of my body.
Others choose money and productivity: I’ll save, invest, hustle, become disciplined.
Others aim for happiness, peace, meaning: Less anxiety, quit smoking, more balance.
Others wanted stable and fulfilling relationships: a partner, a good friendship.
January arrives with a spark of energy. I remembered seeing the Gyms are full of motivated people. People write in their journals daily and consistently. Motivation feels effortless and energy is floating. We act out of optimism due to an image of a new better version. However, according to a study from Baylor College of Medicine found out that almost 88 % percent of new year’s resolutions are given up. It seems contradictory, puzzling and even pessimistic to consider how short lived the aspiration of the new year. If a pilot had 88 percent of crashing the airplane, we would never embargo it, and yet we ourselves for failure?
Why Do Almost Everyone Fail? (and It’s Not Laziness)
keep planning and screeching in less than a month the same goals. Are we setting
I observe it so frequently in my own practice, the detrimental effects of self-criticism, a tendency to put down our own efforts and label our character as lazy, stupid, weak, worthless. Not only does it lack useful insights to change the behavior but also it consumes energy it could have spent otherwise. Hence, I approach this mismatch of expectations and reality with openness, curiosity and compassion as I approach the issues of my clients.
Most goals fail because a goal is mistaken for a goal, excitement for commitment, and self knowledge is taken for granted.
First, many goals lack a clear process. Wanting a healthier body, more money, or better relationships describes a destination, not a path. It’s like wanting to cross an ocean without a ship. A useful goal answers the how and the why. For example, “lose weight” becomes meaningful only when translated into concrete actions: walking daily, cooking at home, reducing alcohol, or exercising twice a week.
This is where structure matters. Psychology consistently shows that effective goals tend to follow the SMART principle:This is where structure matters.
- Specific: clear actions, not vague intentions
- Measurable: progress you can see
- Achievable: challenging but realistic
- Relevant: personally meaningful, not socially imposed
- Time-bound: grounded in real time, not “someday”
What’s the difference? Explore the next comparison: Non-SMART goal “I want to be healthier this year.” vs SMART Goal “For the next 8 weeks (time bounded), I will walk for 30 minutes at least 5 days per week after dinner (clear and specific), and track it on my phone (measurable) because being healthy is important to me (relevant), (achievable)”.
Tip: Take your new year eve goal and transform it according to the SMART principles to see the difference.
Secondly, January motivation is high-energy motivation: emotional, optimistic, fueled by novelty. But high energy is temporary. It’s not designed to last. It has ups and downs especially during obstacles, such as fatigue, stress, boredom, the energy disappears, and the goal collapses with it. The most apparent reminder is the environment in the gym during the first week and last week of January. At the beginning, it is full of individuals and later it becomes emptier bit by bit.
A rule of thumb in psychology is that if you want to understand behavior, you need to understand the thought process. In this case, many people view breaks from routine as failures, and feel demotivated, or have unrealistic expectations that energy will be constant, and in the first sign of trouble and this black and white way of thinking (also see more in the article of cognitive distortions) also demotivated them. Either way it’s critical to learn how to recover from setbacks.
Psychologically resilient goal-setters know how to recover.
A few techniques that help:
- Reconnect to values: Why did this matter to you in the first place?
- Visualize the future self: Not perfection, but direction. What does an ordinary day look like if you stay consistent?
- Consider the cost of not changing: This isn’t negativity, but clarity.
- Shrink the goal: Lower the action, not the standard. Keep the habit alive.
Third, the type of motivation increases or decreases energy. Consider for example a student from a family of doctors that studies medicine against his/her wishes and a curious person studying chemistry for his own satisfaction. If both students aim to have good grades as a new year resolution, whom do you think is more likely to?
Studies show repeatedly that internal motivation is stronger than external. The case of Marie Curie illustrates brilliantly, she faces poverty, sexism, and several other setbacks and she still persists to win the two nobel prizes. She had a strong internal interest and love about science, which led her to overcome any obstacle and pursue her goal. Thus, an unattained goal can be a sign that it is an inauthentic goal. We can easily be influenced by the social noise, parents expectations, peer pressure, the list is endless.
How can you find your goal? In a lecture about motivation a professor said that often energy is a fraction of our imagination.
Let’s explore this:
- Discover triggers of excitement: it can be sports, art, science, making pottery, discovering what excites or feels important.
- The why question: It’s a useful way to discard externally imposed goals. Usually a weak goal can last for one or two whys. In contrast, the more reasons you can find, the stronger the goal is.
- Listen to inspiration: it reveals what’s important and where energy is well spent. A personal hero is the psychologist William James, he excited me with his resilience, intelligence and contribution to the field.
How can you prevent January blues even more? Experiment with CARA
It can seem scary and overwhelming to apply all the skills by yourself. Will power is crucial for the build goals, but rarely enough by itself. Extra layers of help offer guidance and structure to your time and energy. The more you have, the less likely it is to relapse into old destructive habits. MeTime Healing not only offers an extensive lists of professionals that can help you reach your goals, it also provides of CARA:
It is a culturally aware AI-Powered Wellness Roadmap. CARA, is designed to empower readers to consciously shape, adjust, and nurture their journey toward meaningful goals. By combining culturally sensitive guidance with insights, it supports individuals in understanding their unique habits, strengths, and challenges. It encourages mindful reflection, and provides adaptable strategies to help users overcome obstacles and celebrate achievements.
Try experimenting with CARA, it can only bring benefits as it has done with many others clients in the platform.
The Take-Home Message
Aristotle believed that the goal of life is not momentary pleasure, but flourishing, eudaimonia. Not intensity, but alignment. Not bursts of greatness, but a life shaped by repeated, meaningful actions. Paraphrased into a modern principle: Aim to live as long as you can as the best version of yourself.
Not occasionally.
Not only in January.
But sustainably.
And the version of you that survives that test?
That’s the one that actually changes your life.
